Old One
No one knows Old One's real name. They assume it's one of those 1800s kinds like Thaddens, Jeremiah, or Gideon. He claims to have an original ARC of J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings and was probably around during the writing of it. He could be 60 or 260 years old. Who knows? He runs his own reviewing website and thinks very highly of himself. One of those self-proclaimed reviewers, you know. Except he's way, way too old. Sometimes his morals are questionable but he's only human.
